So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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