Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
