Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
