i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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