do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
