new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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