Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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