wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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