I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
