i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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