Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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