when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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