Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
