So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
