You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
