i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
