drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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