come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
