mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
