you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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