So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
