I just threw up on my dentist
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
