I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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