i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
