His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
