a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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