It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
