I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
