we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize