If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
