and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
