i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
