Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
