I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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