DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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