do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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