Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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