and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize