Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
