fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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