The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
