ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
