three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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