there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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