??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
