Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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