Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
