when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
