hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
