they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
