Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
