Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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