My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
