I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize