I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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