ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
