Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
