I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
