3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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