She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
