I hate your face
Plan B is the new Plan A
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
