Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
