can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize