dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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