cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
